Penis size

I can’t do better than to quote Shere Hite, author the groundbreaking Hite Report that made such a huge impact in 70s.

I watched the pilot of Hung yesterday (HBO) and the contrasts with Secret Diary of a Call Girl are interesting – but that’s a topic for another time. The story is about a guy in grave financial circumstances who decides to try to make a living from his extraordinarily large penis. A couple of scenes implied (once again – yawn) that his big dick made a woman’s orgasm more likely.

There’s no evidence for this, folks. Shere Hite has actually done massive research with real women.

From The Shere Hite Reader (2006)

“It seems that young men in their twenties today are still as worried about penis size as men have been for a long time…although this cliché [that there is a direct relationship between the size of the penis and the woman’s orgasm] was overturned in the 1960’s, it seems to have made a dramatic comeback. Discussions of the drug Viagra have added to the presumption on the part of the very young that ‘everyone knows’ a man should have ‘a big hard one’. Many young men also have a prejudice against [clitoral] stimulation with their female partners (‘less manly than doing it to her with your dick’). As one puts it, ‘I understand that some women cannot reach orgasm with penetration, but I still want to try to make them happy.’ In what he thinks is an understanding statement, by his choice of words he has already put any female partner he might have on the defensive! First, he implies that only ‘some women’ have this ‘lack of capacity,’ thus they are ‘incapable,’ ‘not like the other,’ and so on. In other words, they are ‘semifailures’ and ‘not as good as’ the others.

“Rather than accept the reality of how most women reach orgasm, being happy about the variety and spontaneity offered, sharing that and changing the shape of ‘sex,’ some men worry about whether or not they have the ‘right’ penis size, that is, ‘Whether or not I am big enough.’ The supposition is, ‘I’m sure that if I were big enough, she would have orgasm during penetration – just like in the porno movies!’ Is it penis size such men are worried about, or do they feel a fear of learning the ‘ins-and-outs’ of clitoral stimulation…”

“An insistence on focusing on erection does a terrible disservice to both men and owmen. Any man who finds himself thinking something like this, should ask himself if he believes that he has been brainwashed by imposed beliefs about ‘having a hard penis’ – or is he really speaking about his own pleasure in feeling excited when he has an erection. Feeling the pleasure of one’s own body is clearly the right of every human being; being brainwashed by slogans that are not good for you or your partner is another matter altogether.”

Wow, that’s kind of mind blowing if you let it sink in. Men in locker rooms all over the world fully worrying about the size of their dicks. Men losing some of the pure pleasure of their hard-ons cause they’re freaked that they might give women more orgasms if it were bigger. What a scam. Nothing sells like anxiety, does it? Women buying crap cause they’re sure they’re not sexy the way they are, men buying crap to get bigger harder dicks when that’s not the primary thing for women.

And yes, lots of women like how large dicks look and feel. The point is that it’s been blown (haha) WAY out of proportion.


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Show up for sex

What I find pretty interesting is that people spend lots of time thinking about sex, having sexual fantasies, trying to hook up, strategizing, etc. And then when they’re having sex, their minds are off somewhere else.

Next time you’re fortunate enough to be in a sexual situation, watch your mind. Are you fully in the room? Are you using your senses to their fullest? Are you so attuned to your partner and her pleasure that her pleasure seems like your own? Are you feeling your own body fully?

A basic spiritual practice is to be present: to be here and now. What better place to practice that than sex? What a great place to be fully present.

Visit my other blog, too.

What’s you sex q?

Heterosexual men: what’s your sexual intelligence quotient? How much do you know about female sexual physiology? Did you know, for example, that the clitoris has more nerve endings than the penis? The clitoris is ground zero for women’s sexuality and orgasm. Although women often enjoy intercourse, only a small percentage of women orgasm from intercourse alone.

There is clitoral tissue that is accessible from inside the vagina – there’s more to the clit than meets the eye (or tongue or fingers!)

All those emails and late night commercials want to convince you that women’s satisfaction depends on how big your penis is and how long you can have intercourse – not so! Her orgasm is way, way, way more likely to be about her clit and how you can stimulate it. Stay tuned.

Remember, though that every woman is the best expert on what works for her, sexually. The more open and honest you can be with her, the easier it will be for her to tell you, directly, what works for her.

Are you manly enough for an anatomy lesson on

Can we ban the word “foreplay”?

Foreplay is something that happens before the main event — the main event being, obviously, intercourse.

Since most women don’t orgasm easily via intercourse alone (no matter how big you are or how long you last) the word “foreplay” implies that the activities which generally result in climax for women are not the main event. Thanks a lot! Clitoral stimulation (by mouth, fingers, toys, penises) is as much the main event for women as stimulation of the penis is for men. Women do get clitoral stimulation from intercourse but for most women it’s not the most efficient form.

How would you like it if the things that made you orgasm most reliably were considered just “foreplay”?

Real women

Everyone masturbates to fantasies -- pictures, vids and such.

But you probably aren’t going to be spending your real life sex life with porn stars and sex workers.  When you’re ready to move on to real women, it’s a good idea to get real.

Real women aren’t airbrushed…but then neither are you.  They have flaws and idiosyncrasies and real live smells and tastes.  Guess what…you, too. 

Although in a general sense, you can’t tell your genitals what to think, the more you focus on supreme hotness, the less chance you have to get real fulfillment and pleasure in your life.  Yep, you may be able to score with Angelina Jolie, but it’s unlikely.